


While I pondered on this irresistible pastime

by Just_Juliette



Series: Coming back to life [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Pre- Break Up, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Juliette/pseuds/Just_Juliette
Summary: Sebastian loves Lewis, that's why it's so difficult.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel
Series: Coming back to life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964005
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	While I pondered on this irresistible pastime

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there,  
> here's part two.
> 
> This was highly inspired by "Coming Back to life" lyrics by Pink Floyd, so please search the song.
> 
> Enjoy♥

_**\---------------Where were you when I was burned and broken-----------------**_  
 _ **\------------------While the days slipped by from my window watching-**_ \----------

Sebastian understood that sooner or later he had to make a decision. But it was simply too difficult.

Not because he didn't know what he wanted, or because his feelings were confused... They weren't.

And that was the problem.

Lewis was part of him, in the same way that he knew he was an essential part in Lewis' life. They loved each other, and no one could ever change that.

But he couldn't return.

He never doubted that he was the only person the Britt had eyes for, but that didn't take away from the fact that he didn't feel loved. He was tired of waiting and hoping that one day the other would wake up and look around him from another perspective.

That he would smile in the mornings, watching the birds through the window while eating his breackfast.

That he would stay in bed cuddling with him just a few more minutes.

That he would somehow show that he actually felt happy by his side.

That -at least for a minute- he would stop running from here to there and look at him, because you didn't have to be a psychologist to know that he wasn't doing well, and that he wasn't happy.

The German wasn't going to blame him for everything, of course not. Because things were not going well in Ferrari, people on the streets and the press were driving him crazy, and his self-esteem was... he had to work on it.

But he didn't want to give up on their love, so one day he woke up before the other one went running, and aproacched him.

_"You could stay with me at home, just for today..."_

_"Why?"_

_"I need you, I need my partner."_

_"Oh, Baby. We'll spend more time together later, but I was just going to..."_

_"I think you should start taking care of this house, and this relationship a little more."_

_"Maybe later, in the future. We have plenty of time ahead after the season"_

Lewis left, and only after the door closed, he stopped holding the tears and started crying hard. He cried and let it out until there was nothing left. Until he was empty.

And so he understood that there was no enough time. If he kept waiting, he would wither away completely.

The next night the Britt told him that he would come homeearly, so he prepared a special dinner on the terrace of the building.

So while they were there, under a beautiful sky full of stars that Lewis didn't apreciatte even for a second, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and made his last attempt.

_"Lew, I'm not well"_

_"What's going on?"_

_"That I've been feeling miserably lonely for months, and you never noticed, you were never there."_

_"Oh come on, don't point that at me. I was just working, not partying."_

_"Sometimes I wish you wouldn't work so hard, there are things that might need your attention here."_

_"I just want to do my best, like every driver."_

_"And I just need my boyfriend with me."_

_"You want me to quit? make my team hate me, the fans hate me, move to a shack in the middle of nowhere and that's it? nothing else matters?"_

The scepticism on Lewis's face was the expression he liked the least about him. It was horrible, so his next words were a desperate attempt to get him to somehow react.

_"I want to get out of here. Leave."_

_"If that makes you happy, then leave. I hope you'll call me from time to time."_

The cold and sarcastic answer he received only served to confirm to himself that packing his bags was the right thing to do.

And so he did, several months ago. He tried to move on, to meet someone else... But it didn't work out the way he wanted.

He liked the company, and the girl made him feel special, she really loved him. However, it was not reciprocated.

Sebastian only wanted to feel loved by one person.

So it was very difficult for him to decide whether to continue with her, or to cling dangerously to a pastime that was very difficult to return to.

But... he had nothing to lose by calling, taunting the grounds.

So he grabbed his cellphone, and picked the Britt's number, who reliefly answered straight away.

-Hi Lewis.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who want the happy ending, chill.  
> I'll write part III.


End file.
